Eve of the Main Event

My head is spinning. This is the third time out of the last five I have gone into the main event thinking about everything except how to play no limit hold em hands. I am very excited to play poker tomorrow but I am more excited about life. I am in a very strange place mentally and emotionally. I have no idea if I am better off now than I was a month ago. I have no idea if I am getting smarter or falling into old traps. There is a voice telling me to be cautious but there is a louder one telling me to do crazy things. I have been losing money but improving everything else. I am so daft. I am so wise. I have been focusing on staying grounded. But I am a dreamer. I want to live in the clouds. Food tastes better than it has in a long time. Music sounds better than it has in a long time. I breathe deeper than I can ever remember. The air tastes sensational. I have nine different plans for the months following the WSOP; all are wildly appealing but none make any sense. I wish I could live till I was 300 years old. I never want to sleep. My heart is beating like a rabbit's. I am incredibly vulnerable. I wear impenetrable armor. I feel like I am waking up from a nightmare. I feel like I am drifting off into a wonderful dream.